People who remarry after a divorce certainly don’t want their new marriage to fail. They have hopes and dreams of how this marriage will be different. They know what didn’t work and are excited about new passion and possibilities. The couple is determined to not repeat the mistakes of the past and yet few people really take the time to know each other and have those conversations that can produce healthy, long-term relationships. Remarriage is stressful and there is a high likelihood of divorce. This article will share some statistics about divorce and will offersome practical tools to use when considering remarriage.
The United States has the 6th highest divorce rate in the world. That means every 13 seconds, there is a divorce in America. Research provides information on why people divorce and statistics on first, second and third marriages ending in divorce. New research data is being compiled on the impact of COVID-19 and divorce.
Why are People Divorcing in America?
- 73% Lack of commitment
- 56% Argues too much
- 55% Infidelity
- 46% Married too young
- 45% Unrealistic expectations
- 44% Lack of equality in relationship
- 41% Lack of preparation for marriage
- 25% Domestic violence or abuse
What are the Statistics of First, Second and Third Marriages Ending in Divorce?
- 41% of all first marriages end in divorce.
- 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
- 73% of all third marriages end in divorce.
- If both partners had previous marriages, they are 90% more likely to get a divorce.
COVID-19 Divorce Statistics:
As the result of the COVID-19 pandemic and varying states of lockdown all over the world and the United States, there may be the largest single-year increase in divorce in decades once the pandemic is behind us. Research data will be coming out over the next year or two.
As a Marriage, and Family Therapist, many of my clients are either thinking about getting married, wanting to figure out how to stay married, thinking about getting a divorce, going through a divorce, or considering remarriage. Because 41% of marriages fail due to lack of preparation by the parties, I wanted to find a resource that was practical and tackled the tough questions. In the book The 10 Conversations You Must Have Before You Get Married (and how to have them), the author Dr. Guy Grenier writes about 15 Rules of Good Communication followed by the 10 Conversations you must have. He states: “Couples put more time and effort into selecting a car, a home theater system or a cell phone than they ever do seriously and sincerely looking at the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship before deciding to tie the knot”. We will take a look at Grenier’s Conversation #3 about “Money and Financial Style’s.
Money and Financial Styles:
Couples fight more about money than anything else. As part of a tough conversation, it is important to know your partner’s assumptions about how important money is and how much money is needed to create the life you want. How does each partner value money and how much is enough? In looking at financial styles, how does each person tolerate risk and why are some people more willing to take risks than others? No one’s approach to risk is either good or bad. It is based on one’s personal experience of the world. For example, if someone has taken a financial risk in the past and it went well, that person would be more likely to pursue other opportunities that involve risk. If someone has not been successful in the past, they may feel more anxiety about risking money and take a more conservative approach. One’s approach to risk will have a major impact on financial management.
Couples need to develop conflict-management strategies specifically to deal with money. How often does one person buy something that the other person thinks they don’t need, or one person spends too much money, or one person has a hobby or sport that their partner is not interested in? The Three-Bank-Account Rule is a compromise. Each person has a personal account and they share a joint account. Allocation of the money into the three accounts will take more discussion and compromise but it can avoid a contentious relationship about finances and cut down on marital strife over this issue. How much better would it be to enter a marriage with a financial plan designed by the couple to address their unique situation?
In addition to a conversation about Money and Finances, the book covers Kids, Careers, Sex, Family, Location, Division of Labor, Leisure, Spirituality and Religion.