Couples going through a divorce generally already have a problem communicating. Those problems often get worse during this time with the upheaval of their lives and the change in the family structure.
It is common to find that a couple’s main mode of communication with one another results in one of them getting angry and the other one giving their partner the silent treatment. This is then magnified during the divorce process which makes it difficult for them to make the important decisions they must make in order to finalize their divorce.
Divorce Communication: Treat it as Business Deal
Divorcing couples often get stuck in past behaviors and past history. This makes it difficult to move the process forward. Many times, one person wants the divorce but the other one does not. For some people, divorce feels like their life is over and for others it can feel like life has just begun. One party may have already moved on to another relationship. These factors increase the communication difficulties.
During the Collaborative Divorce process, couples are encouraged to communicate with each other on a business level. For example, when they send emails or texts back and forth, they should stay on topic and treat decisions as though they are business decisions. Do not discuss blame or which party is at fault for the divorce. Keep the communication focused only on the decision that needs to be made.
How a Divorce Coach Can Help
During a Collaborative Divorce, a mental health professional/divorce coach, will help each party to deal with the emotions surrounding the divorce. Learning how to take the emotion out of a situation and expressing thoughts in a coherent manner is a valuable life skill. This is particularly important when discussing issues concerning the children.
Children are the couple’s most precious asset and it can bring up a lot of anger, blame, and shame when trying to decide who gets to spend time with the children.
Divorce coaches can help the couple stay focused. The couple learns the children are not pawns to be moved around a chessboard. The parents are helped to make decisions that are in the best interest of their children. The Co-Parenting Plan becomes a guide which both parents agree to follow.
In the Collaborative Divorce process, divorce coaches are an important part of the collaborative team. The coaches assist the couple to get through the divorce process more quickly, easier, and with less emotional and financial devastation to their families and to themselves. Couples can divorce where there is mutual respect in coming to agreements both parties can live with.
Articles and resources from Betsey Williams on collaborative divorce, mediation, and family law in Sacramento.