Divorce can happen in many ways. It can be a slow disintegration of a bond, a life. Or it can be a shock, a sudden explosion that we didn’t see coming. Either way, it may be hard to face this major life decision. If you’re not feeling very strong right now, that’s okay. This is a reminder that you get to choose how you want to walk through this divorce journey. Here are some ideas to counter the thoughts that might not be serving you right now.
- People will judge me for having a failed marriage: If you’re reading this, divorce is probably happening in your life. If anyone is judgmental, critical, or gossiping about your life, find support elsewhere. They don’t have your back. Now’s the time for some non-judgmental folks in your life. How can you find more supportive connections?
- I have no power: If you don’t want the divorce and the other person has more power financially, you may feel powerless. However, it’s up to you if you want to continue to feel this way or not. If you want to re-balance the power dynamic, choose a divorce process that empowers you. How can you regain feelings of power?
- I can’t believe this is happening to me: Yes, this is a major life event that is happening, and you get to choose how you want to respond to it. Do you want to make decisions from a grounded place, or do you want to feel like a victim of your divorce? If the first option is for you, then how can you stay centered and grounded throughout this process?
- He’s moving on with his life, he must have never loved me: You get to choose if you want to believe this narrative or not. You may be hurt and angry. That doesn’t mean that he never loved you. What or who helps you remember your value and worth?
- I can’t do this: Yes, you can, and you will. You’ve got this. This moment is an opportunity to grow and learn about yourself. The meaning you make about this time in your life is crucial. Ten years from now, how do you want to feel when you look back on your divorce?
I’ve felt and thought everything mentioned above – these were my thoughts 15 years ago when I went through a divorce. You are not alone. My challenge is that this divorce is your process, whether you want it or not. You get to choose how you respond to it. So, take a breath and do the next best thing for yourself – calling a friend, deciding on a divorce process, taking a walk, and trust that you will be okay.